I knew it was going to be intense. Having a high-achieving personality is, per se, hard to handle. Combine that with several severe burn-outs in the past, and you migth understand that one of my main priorities has been finding a way to create my ALC where the flow carries me – instead of me trying to control the flow.
Easier said than done.
In the beginning of October I had my first call with Bear. I told him how I had distributed my time between the kindergarten and the ALC, and that Tuesdays and Thursdays were really rough days. I´d come in at eight and leave twelve hours later. Not good.
He said: “You have to stop doing that immediately.” Which I did, because I needed to free energy in order to focus on what´s really important: pulling in more kids to my project.
But it doesn´t go without conflict. I´m indispensable for basically everything. No one else has the visions. No one else can guide the kids the way I do it (because my intention and focus are crystal clear, because I´m super sensitive to the kids´vibes and needs and because I just have all this experience that no one else has). No one else can train my facilitators. No one can talk about the project the way I can etc. So how can I let the flow carry me through this process?
Before launching Explora I created a business plan and I did a SWOT analysis. The biggest weakness was precisely that: Miss Koritz is indispensable. Everything stands and falls with her.
Since I´m a visionary I always see what it´ll look like in the future. In this case that´s when I can be the holder of the project and ¡basta! The problem is: I´m in the present and not in that envisioned future. So even if my intention never was to be everywhere, I´ve known all the time that initially I will have to be. Me no like.
I can see that Explora is slowly moving forward and even though I´m doing my best not to push, the price I´m paying is still too high. After the call with Bear, it took me three weeks to recover energy enough in order to start making those necessary phone calls and visits. I´m working on so many levels at the same time, and it´s all related to the same thing: branding myself, hence promoting Explora. I´m constantly trying to find balance between what is necessary and and what is enough. And I´m forcing myself to listen to my body, slow down and rest – if that´s what it needs.
Recharging my batteries helps my mind to think clearer. And the clarity told me to write down a wish list. If I could get all those things that are on it, it´d make a huge difference for me and for my ALC:
- I´d like a mastermind group that can help me sort out priorities and find new creative ways of using Eplora.
- I´d like a weekly mentoring only for me, where I can vent my insecurities and just be listened to.
- I wish I could hire a main facilitator that could be in charge of the activities and of the kids, and that could also help me training the facilitators. I know I´m a good facilitator myself and I do have a lot of fun with the kids, but I have to recognize my energy isn´t there. If I could have it all my way, this person would be an associate – someone with the same visions and understanding as myself, but who could take care of this more practical part of Explora.
Number one is a must, but might take some time to gather agroup like this. I think it should consist of people that live here in Puerto Escondido but that have a business mentality.
Number two might not be that hard. I just need to ask for it.
Number three is what I most crave for, but also the thing I have no idea how to manifest. Trusting I can stimulate more flow, I´ll just put it out there: Hey Universe, can you bring me the perfect person plus the means to pay her/him, thank you very much!