I knew it was going to be really good. Actually I suspected it was going to be great. But I didn´t expect any inner transformations to occur when I signed up for the ALF summer 2016.
Maybe because personal development and inner work is something I do on a daily basis, and when that is part of your everyday life you should be used to going deep and finding both crap and gold without it necessarily being a huge thing every time. Or maybe it was just because I knew I was going to be so focused on learning, playing and making loads of connections, that I really didn´t expect anything else. That mix is already juicy enough, if you know what I mean.
But I was wrong. Totally wrong.
I came to Charlotte full of happy expectations but also carrying a deep wound inside me. Healing is a process that takes time, and I was okay with that. Some days are rough, others are great. You slowly move out of it. That´s just the way it is.
Being surrounded with more than 40 ALFs, so many like-minded passionate visionaries with the same passion for alternative education as myself, was thrilling, intense, crazy, and simply wonderful. But it also made me realize how lonely I´ve been down in Mexico.
No one to talk to about alternative education and self-directed learning. No one who could really appreciate what I was doing. No one who´s seen me for who I am, or who could understand and support me on a really deep level.
But the loneliness went so much deeper than that. I realized that I´d never before felt part of anything. I´ve always been the outsider, perceiving the world as a quite hostile and unfriendly place.
And there I was at Mosaic, feeling seen, heard, understood, supported, protected, loved, contained, cheered, hugged and PART OF an amazing group of people, all incredible role models. I felt I found my tribe, finally.
My tribe. What a special feeling.
And suddenly I felt crap about going back to Mexico. Mexico can be a really tough place to live in. I´ve never felt afraid or threatened or that it´s actually dangerous for me to be there. But it´s a macho country and I´m a foreign woman on my own. Things aren´t always moving easy and smoothly, to say the least.
I wasn´t at all okay with having to go back and confront that loneliness. I just wanted to stay with my tribe. Or maybe I could convince all of them to move to Mexico with me?
But everything has an end. And as I sat at the airport in Mexico City waiting for my flight to Puerto Escondido, I realized something had shifted within me. The way I perceive the world had changed. I could no longer see that hostility or unfriendliness. All I saw was a loving and supporting world. A world that loves me and that is safe for me to be in.
I don´t feel like an outsider any longer. I feel like I belong. Not only in my newly found tribe. I belong in this world and I am part of it. How incredible isn´t that?